“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign language. Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” -Rainer Maria Rilke

MAN Ngraho, where I will be teaching

So I've made it. I was officially sworn in as a Peace Corps volunteer and safely traveled to my permanent site...where I am unbelievably bored. It has been about three weeks since I've been living in Ngraho and I've got nothing to do. School is on break until next week and with the start of Ramadan, the people of Ngraho spend their days resting and doing little else.

My 5 year old host brother

We've been warned that this would happen. It is called a “duka” and I'm in one. The phrase “suke dan duka” is the Indonesian version of “ups and downs” and I've hit the down. We have an amazing medical team who warned us that there is usually a dip in moral around this time, but after an amazing 2 months of training I didn't see it coming. The first few weeks at site have been tough. The environment is different, new relationships need building and I am no longer surrounded by my support team of other volunteers within walking distance.

Men's prayer meeting held at our house for the start of Ramadan

Over the past few weeks I have contemplated why I felt unhappy at site and came to realize that it was because I was looking for an end result, when this is just the beginning. I was feeling so alone and isolated at my new site. I had gotten used to the tight knit community during training and forgot how hard it was when I had first arrived. I was looking for the 2 months of integrating I had accomplished in Batu, to simply appear intact in Ngraho. While that is not the way the world works, there is an entire new village and school community waiting to build relationships at my new site. It is time to put in the work and, while this will never be easy, building relationships now will not only help me integrate into the community, it will also push me towards my happy (whatever that may be).

No one every said the Peace Corps was easy, so I am determined to work through this adjustment period and find the joy in “living the questions now,” whether it is dealing with the mosquito larva in the mandi, the rats running through the walls or the noise from the main state road I live on. This village, my school and my host family have welcomed me into their lives, their community and their hearts, and I will strive to show my gratitude every day of my service. 

No experience is ever perfect. Finding the light in the darkness.

“We are visitors on this planet. We are here for ninety or one hundred years at the very most. During that period, we must try to do something good, something useful, with our lives. If you contribute to other people's happiness, you will find the true goal, the true meaning of life.” - Dalai Lama

Life is short, so with my “nothing left to lose” attitude I packed my bags and moved to the other side of the world. The Indonesian island of Java, to be exact. This blog is not meant to be a piece of creative genius or excellent literature. It is too document my adventure and share my experience with friends, family and anyone else who cares to read it. With my personal disclaimer out of the way, the Peace Corps would like me to add, “The contents of this Web site are mine personally and do not reflect any position of the U.S. Government or the Peace Corps.”

Now, about me doing “something good, something useful” during my visit on planet earth... When I first applied to the Peace Corps, I was hoping to work in a medical or public health capacity, knowing that other than the pre-med courses I took, I had little experience in the area. The NYU Peace Corps recruiter, a friendly laid back grad student, took one look at my resume and told me I would be perfect for the education division and that if accepted, I would probably be teaching English.

I am a huge advocate when it comes to the development of education, but the last thing I thought I wanted to do was teach English as a foreign language. My interpretation of the Peace Corps mission was to assist in the development of countries by providing the manpower necessary to train local people so they can one day contribute to the development of their country for themselves. A “development by the people, for the people” type of mentality. When I got my invitation to join the Peace Corps, I had trouble finding the correlation between this mentality and my assignment to teaching English, which felt neocolonialist and unsustainable.

I found that there were a few problems with the way I was thinking about the assignment and the Peace Corps mission. First of all, I was forgetting about parts of the Peace Corps mission which focused on cross-cultural exchange, which would take place simply by being in country, interacting with Indonesian nationals and sharing my experience with those back in the states. Secondly, the Indonesian government asked for Peace Corps volunteers to aid in the development of the English Language program. My assignment, instead of ignoring the local culture, will help students share their culture and succeed in an ever globalizing world. Lastly, it was naive of me to think that the only beneficiaries would be the relatively few number of students I would teach in my two years. Not only will the students benefit, but teacher would gain new teaching methods and the community will take part in the cross-cultural exchange. The list goes on.

It has been about two months since I've arrived in Indonesia and I am happy to say I can't imagine being anywhere else in the world right now. Something feels right when I think about the fact that I will be living here for the next two years. Everyday as I walk through the village, over looking the rice patties surrounded by mountains all I can think is how fortunate I am to be in this country. Like Alysia Harris says, “What is not beautiful about today?”

Training will be coming to a close in one week, after which we will swear in as volunteers and leave Batu for our permanent sites in East Java, West Java or Madura. I am Bojonegoro bound. My new home will be located in the northwestern corner of East Java and I could not be more excited to get there and start experiencing real Peace Corps life.

Step one in contributing to other people's happiness is putting yourself in a position to do so.